I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared this unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

  When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. Michelangelo's "David." The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

  After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes and says, "Welcome to Holland."

  "Holland?!" You say. " What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

  But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

  The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

  So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. You must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

  It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.

  But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

  And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

  But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

GOD, JESUS & ME

  Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the Surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: How is my little boy? Is he going to be O.K.? When can I see him?" The Surgeon said, "I'm sorry, we did all we could." Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer, doesn't GOD care any more? GOD, where were you when my son needed you?"
 
  The Surgeon said, "One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes to let you spend time with your son's remains before it's transported to the university".  

  Sally asked that the nurse stay with her while she said good-bye to her son. Sally ran her fingers through his thick red curly hair. The nurse said, "Would you like a lock of his hair?" Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of his hair and put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally. Sally said, "It was Jimmy's idea to give his body to the university for study. He said it might help somebody else," and that is what he wanted. I said, No at first, but Jimmy said, "Mom I won't be using it after I die, maybe it will help some other little boy to be able to spend one more day with his mother". Sally said, "My Jimmy had a heart of Gold, always thinking of someone else and always wanting to help others if he could".
 
  Sally walked out of the Children's Hospital for the last time now after spending most of the last 6 months there. She sat the bag with Jimmy's things in it on the seat beside of her in the car. The drive home was hard and it was even harder to go into an empty house. She took the bag to Jimmy's room and started placing the model cars and things back in his room exactly where he always kept them. She laid down across his bed and cried herself to sleep holding his pillow. Sally woke up about midnight and laying beside of her on the bed, was a letter folded up. She opened the letter, it said:
 
  Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me, but don't think that I will ever forget you or stop loving you because I'm not around to say I LOVE YOU. I'll think of you every day mom and I'll love you even more each day. Some day we will see each other again. If you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, he can have my room and my old stuff to play with. If you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things as us boys do, so you will have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like. Don't be sad when you think about me, this is really a great place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything here. The angels are so friendly, and I love to watch them fly. Jesus doesn't look like any of the pictures I saw of Him, but I knew it was Him as soon as I saw Him. Jesus took me to see GOD! And guess what mom? I got to sit on GOD'S knee and talk to Him like I was somebody important. I told GOD that I wanted to write you a letter and tell you good-bye and everything, but I knew that wasn't allowed. God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter with. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel that is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him about... Where was He when I needed him? God said, "The same place He was when Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way Mom, nobody else can see what is written on this paper but you. To everyone else, it looks like a blank piece of paper. I have to give God His pen back now, He has some more names to write in the Book Of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great. I almost forgot to let you know: Now I don't hurt anymore, the cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me suffer the pain either, so He sent The Angel of Mercy to get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! 

Signed with love from:
God & Jesus & Me 

Letter From Heaven

To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say. 

But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay. I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above. Here, there's no more tears of sadness; Here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight. Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night. That day I had to leave you, when my life on earth was through. God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."

It's good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone. As for your dearest family, They'll be here later on. There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man." 

God gave me a list of things he wished for me to do. And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you. And when you lie in bed at night the day's chores put to flight. God and I are closest to you, in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years. Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears. But do not be afraid to cry: it does relieve the pain. Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain. 

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned. If I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand. But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over. I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before. 

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb, But together we can do it by taking one day at a time. It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too; That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you. 

If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain; Then you can say to God at night, “My day was not in vain." And now I am contented, that my life was worthwhile. Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile. 

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low; Just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go. When you're walking down the street and you've got Me on your mind; I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind. 

And when it's time for you to go, from that body to be free. Remember you're not going, you're coming here to Me.

Written By Ruth Ann

I'll Lend You A Child of Mine...Jerry

I'll lend you for a little time a child of Mine...Jerry, He said,
For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he is dead.
It may be six or seven years or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?

He'll bring his charm to gladden you and should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down here.

I want this child to learn.
I've looked this wide world over in search of teachers true
And from the throngs that crowd life's land
I have decided you.

Now will you give him all your love
Nor think the labor vain
And hate Me when I come to call
to take him back again?

I fancy that I hear them say
Dear Lord, Thy will be done.
For all the joy this child will bring
the risk of grief we'll run.

We shelter him with tenderness
we'll love him while we may
And for the happiness we've known
forever grateful stay.

And should the angels call for him
much sooner than we planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
and try to understand.