Personal Information

These pages, most of which were written by Jerry after his accident and prior to his death, are his view into what happened and what he could do about it.

This is a very private view into the life of a young man who lived that life until the day he went to a better place.

Perspective  II 

  The “saga” continues…what did I unleash? As a surprise and yes, a “carrot,” I introduced Jerry to the world of computing. Prior to this gift of the computer system, I venture to mention he probably would have had trouble just finding the “on/off switch,” I mean that with no disrespect implied. 

  Needless to say, the joke was on me. This kid, with some general help, took to this thing like a duck to water. Within a short time frame, he was “international,” via the World Wide Web.

Audio & Video 

  I added a camera and microphone, together with voice recognition software to Jerry’s computer system to help him “dictate” his email responses when the load was too great to “hunt and peck” with his fingers. 

  The small price to provide these amenities has been repaid countless times simply by observing the sheer exhilaration in Jerry. The addition of Net Meeting and MSN Messenger software from Microsoft to his system, provide video teleconferencing, both FREE and available from Jerry’s site. The addition of Pal Talk software, also FREE, has added FREE phone calling to anywhere in the US and includes video and audio capabilities.  

  He can talk with anyone in the country, including video, for FREE, Even though I setup the system for him, I was absolutely amazed to see him visiting with a person in Russia. Imagine what this technology will be like in a couple of years. 

  This technology provides a “world’ for the disabled. Chat rooms for the disabled abound on the Internet. I venture to say, if you can think it, you can probably find it. I can only imagine, from what I see in my son, the Internet could easily provide meaning and purpose and a new dimension to life for the disabled. 

  Anyone that reads this is welcome to visit Jerry’s site, send him an email and arrange to visit by phone, with or without video. He is always ready to visit.  

Website 

  When Jerry sustained his injury, we could find no one that could offer answers to our questions. I wanted then and there to find a way to help fill this void. How could I find a way to provide the answers? 

  The Internet was just getting noticed, so I thought, maybe that could be the pathway to offer answers, information and assistance to families that had or would experience the trauma of this devastating injury. The information super-highway aka the Internet, became the method by which Jerry’s website was conceived. 

  I will never forget the look on Jerry’s face when I discussed with him the possibility of setting up a website. The look, at first surprise, became one of contemplation…could we actually do it?  

  Many discussions on subject matter, presentation of materials, colors, layout and font type, even background music, all were discussed at one time or another until we decided…let’s do it! 

  With that, the Jerry Haney website was born. Many notes and thoughts, hours of research, days and weeks of work, numerous sleepless nights to set up the site finally reaped their reward when the first letter of thanks was received. The family had a son injured in a car wreck that left him quadriplegic with a C2 injury. The tears of joy flowed freely that day. I had told Jerry beforehand, if we can just help one person not go through what your family experienced with your accident and resulting injury, all the hard work would be worth it. IT WAS AND STILL IS, WORTH IT!

  Thousands of visitors and emails later, we now are working on expanding the website. Our hope and goal is to provide that one piece of information that is needed by that one family that desperately needs it.  

  I have watched with great joy at the answers he has provided to visitors at his site. Spoken from the heart with compassion and empathy from one who has been there and done that.  

Exercise

  This subject is probably the most important to me as Jerry’s father. If there is one subject that we argue about, this is it.

  I would like to have Jerry exercise daily, using different routines for different areas. Even going so far as to suggest an exercise regimen consisting of using his “ricksha” machine for the upper body; the “stand-up” machine for his lower body; completing the cycle with bed and chair exercises to work the extremities and the stomach muscles.

  In the early days following the accident, Jerry worked hard at tightening his stomach muscles, going to rehabilitation, strengthening his biceps to mention a few. His “workouts” lacked order, in my eyes, for the lack of a better phrase. It seems “certain” television shows were more important than the matter at hand, getting his body and mind in the best possible physical, mental and spiritual state possible.

  I must admit also, that the computer apparently presents a “distraction” to some degree, I finally insisted he “broadcast” his workouts to the Internet. I can now sign on from work or anywhere for that matter, and see if he is actually performing his exercise routine. Things have improved with the camera addition. Have they improved…Jerry now has to have his hair combed, face shaved, dressed right for his appearance…I love it! This kid has finally found his niche.

  Over the years since the accident, he has slowly strengthened his upper body to almost as strong as he enjoyed prior to the injury, particularly his arms. An unused muscle is going to atrophy. I do NOT want this to happen to Jerry. 

  The same logic was applied to the camera now “broadcasting” his workouts. If just one person who is injured sees that they can do the same thing, then again it all becomes worthwhile. I will never forget the tears in Jerry’s eyes after receiving an email from a man who was paralyzed in an auto accident. He “tuned in” regularly just to watch Jerry’s exercise routine. The subject of his email was to let Jerry know that he was less injured than Jerry and had been “feeling sorry” about his predicament, but after seeing my son do his exercises via the Internet, he decided to get off his duff (although the email described the area in greater detail) and get to work on changing his life and wanted to thank Jerry for giving him the motivation to do it.  

  My Lord, that’s powerful stuff…the change in Jerry was immediate. No more reluctance to exercise. Expansion of his routine was undertaken; more time on the Internet via the camera was his goal. He wanted to help others by not only providing information but showing that it can be done!

Care Giver 

  Jerry has seen his share since his injury but he has one now who is not only great in his work with Jerry and his needs, but they are the best of friends.  

  These two are a pair. My feeble attempt to explain in words simply will not suffice, it must be experienced. The action starts as soon as Sean shows up for work. The monitor and closed circuit camera, used to monitor Jerry, are ablaze with conversation from the moment the two greet each other in the morning. I call them the “magpies.” They never shut up. It’s going on all day long. Let me say here, it’s all in good fun between the two. Jerry is 6’ 5”; Sean is about 5’ 5”. Mutt and Jeff to say the least.  

  I can’t emphasize enough the change in Jerry since Sean showed up. Sean insists Jerry complete his exercise routine, makes sure the camera is on to show me, simply put, I am comfortable with the situation when the two of them are together. 

  They express for each other a genuine friendship, one, if I could bottle it, would solve the problems of the world. As a Father, the site of these two is absolutely a pleasure to behold. Sean and his beautiful wife Marie, simply put, love Jerry and that love is returned in kind. 

  Jerry and Sean went everywhere together…from fishing on this property and others, to visits to Astroworld and the Planetarium in Houston, to fast food outlets to joy rides. They cover the ground and always have something working to do next time. 

Moving Day

  Well it finally arrived, Jerry has decided to take the next step to independence. He has rented an apartment in the same complex as his care-giver Sean and will be moving shortly. 

  As the time draws near, many doubts and worries cross my mind…can he handle it? Is he ready for this? I can’t describe all the emotions, worries and fears that have crossed my mind since the decision to “move” was reached. 

  Well the day finally arrived. Jerry’s friends showed up at the house, loaded him up and away they went. The next step to independence for Jerry was underway. Jerry was now on his way to his own apartment. No more parents, no more monitors, no more closed circuit camera monitoring his activities. He was on his way and the smile on his face as he left the property was from one side to the other. 

  Tears flowed down my cheeks as I watched the truck and my son, loaded with all his “stuff” leave the driveway and turn on the road, the road to his independence. Were these tears of joy or tears of worry? I could only hope and pray that my decision to allow this next step would not come back to haunt me.

Apartment Living 

  I must admit that Jerry was ready for the move, I never saw him happier. He had his own friends, his own place, his own time frame for his day and above all, he did not have his parents constant checking on his welfare via knocks on the door or monitoring his activity over the camera and monitor. He was free, free at last! 

  His brothers, nieces and nephews, parents and his many friends, kept his apartment door revolving on a regular basis. My biggest worry did not change with the move…Jerry’s constant adulation of beer. It was addictive to him, for whatever reason he had to have his daily supply of beer. This was a constant source of concern and worry while he was at home. The level of medication mixed with the addition of alcohol was the source of many disagreements with his Mother and me. 

  Alcohol did not diminish with the apartment move, in fact, probably increased because he no longer had his parents watching the alcohol consumption. Many visits indicated a continual alcohol dependence and reminders seemed to fall on deaf ears. Without dismissing the seriousness of the alcohol usage, Jerry was indeed a very happy kid. He kept up his exercise program and “broadcasts” over the Internet. He appeared to be settling into his new independence, apartment living. 

  Weeks of apartment living soon turned into months with Jerry seemingly happier by the minute, particularly when his long-awaited exercise machine finally arrived. Man, this thing was not only heavy but very professional. I wondered how Jerry was planning to use such a heavy piece of equipment. The answer was quick in coming. Sean and Jerry’s siblings “set-up” the exercise equipment and showed me how he intended to use it. Jerry wanted to know only continue strengthening his upper body but was to use the “weight” of the return to normal position to strengthen his legs.

  My question about how his legs were to be held in place against the base was quickly answered by his statement 1-800-CALL-DAD. 

  My thought processes went to work and soon the “answer” came to me…use water ski bindings. A quick check around to find some that would fit his size 16 shoes was no easy task but lo and behold, my family attorney, upon hearing my dilemma, had exactly what I needed to make it all work. Elated at my success, I hurried over to Jerry’s apartment with the good news, tried them out and they would work just fine.

  Boy was this kid happy and with a smile from ear to ear said, “Thanks Dad, I had no doubt you would come up with the answer. I can always depend on you.” With that problem solved, I kissed my son goodbye, told him I would be over the next day and mount the bindings to his machine so he could get after it. As I was starting out the door his long arms reached up to me, I bent over, hugged him once again, I kissed him on the forehead, he returned the hug and kiss on my cheek, stating Thanks Dad, I love you. I expressed my love for son and departed, happy with the fact I could help him once again in his endeavor. Little did I know what was to happen the next day and the sorrow that would overcome me.

The Call 

  I will never forget June 29, 2001. The day my son Jerry died. My son Kevin and I had just arrived at a customer’s house and was underway with providing the requested service when my pager went off repeatedly with 911, 911, 911, 911 followed by my home phone number. My heart stopped, what now? So much tragedy in my life, what’s next?

  I called home and was informed that my son Jerry was found dead in his apartment by his caregiver, Sean. I screamed NO, NO, NO, this can’t be happening to me. I fell down to a kneeling position on the floor of the customer’s home and simply cried without hesitation. Of course, the customer was very upset when I told them what had happened. I excused myself to locate Kevin and tell him about Jerry. He couldn’t believe it nor could I. He started picking up the tools as I went to the truck to leave. I simply collapsed at the truck and cried uncontrollably. How? Why? I just was with Jerry the day before and was going back to his apartment in a couple of hours as promised, my God, what has happened?

  Kevin and I left to pick up his car and start over to Jerry’s apartment, about a twenty minute drive. That was the longest drive I have ever undertaken. I could not stop crying, I could not stop blaming myself for allowing him to move, every emotion possible was controlling my body. What had happened to change absolute elation to absolute grief in such a short time? How did he die? Question after question raced through my head as I drove to his apartment.

  Upon arriving at his apartment I found absolute chaos. Police everywhere, neighbors, friends, my children, grandchildren, his mom. All hell broke loose when the family was going to be refused admittance to his apartment by the police. We found out shortly thereafter, that since Jerry lived alone, the scene was being treated as a possible homicide. Once we were told that, family emotions settled down, the police settled down and things proceeded in more of an orderly fashion.

  The family was soon admitted to view the apartment and Jerry. By then Jerry had been placed on the gurney by the funeral home and was covered with a thin covering to the base of his neck. He looked like he was asleep. I could not control the tears as I again kissed my son goodbye for the last time. What a waste! I simply could not understand how such exhilaration could be extinguished at thirty-six.

  I exited his apartment and wandered the parking lot of the complex like a lost soul. I still didn’t know how he died. What had caused this terrible tragedy to occur? What was next?

  An autopsy would be ordered given the unknown circumstances of Jerry’s death. Maybe we might found out what happened as a result of this autopsy. My mind wandered aimlessly over possible scenarios that would have ended my youngest son’s life. Was he murdered? How did he die? I just had to know.

  Funeral arrangements were made to have Jerry cremated. Why cremation? I knew Jerry as no other knew Jerry. He would never let me rest if I put him on “exhibit” after an autopsy was performed, no matter how good the funeral home was. As a Catholic, many emotions about cremation surfaced, was it right or wrong? I did research on the matter and found it to be acceptable in the Catholic Church. The matter was even discussed with the local parish priest, who also concurred in the affirmative.

  Several days passed and finally the results were in. No foul play had occurred. I have no objection to discussing Jerry's death...Jerry was full of life and was not ready to die or ANY medical reason associated with it. My son liked to drink beer, which he did every day; I didn't like it but it was his way of dealing with life and the pain associated with his injury.

  It is my opinion that Jerry, as was his custom, drink beer excessively, the night/morning of his death was no exception (he was twice the legal limit in Texas); the kid (a friend of Jerry's) that was supposed to put Jerry in bed that night did not show up (he got drunk and passed out at one of his friend's house's); Jerry had refused to be put to bed that evening by both his normal caregiver for that purpose as well as his full time caregiver around 10:30 PM; therefore he stayed in his wheelchair, which he did on occasion, all night. I suspect he passed out and/or went to sleep while listening to his music CD's on his computer...his legs would be under the "arm" of the desk I had built for him. He did NOT have his chest restraint on (his belt), so his head went down full force on the keyboard, breaking the "arm" and knocking the keyboard, etc, out of the way.

  I can only hope he was knocked unconscious at that point because his head ended up between his knees (that's how we found him that morning); he would not have been able to raise himself up from that far over, which meant his breathing would have been cut off. Therefore, the death certificate could only mention "complications of quadriplegia" "positional asphyxiation."

  The explanation of what I feel caused Jerry’s death is not an easy statement to make. As his Father, I wonder if he called out to me in his typical manner, 1-800-Call-Dad for help, if he realized his predicament? Did he, assuming he was conscious, say the words I always taught him to remember in times of trouble…Jesus, help me? Many, many thoughts have and continue to cross my mind about Jerry’s death. I don’t know if I will ever learn to “cope” with his death. I can only hope and pray he is with Almighty God, made whole again; visiting with his family there and watching over his family here. In my daily prayers, I always ask Jerry to return his Father’s kiss when his family joins him. I will see him again one day, my broken heart healed at the sight of his smiling face as his big frame hugs his father and returns that forehead kiss I gave him. That will indeed be heaven.

Closing Comments 

  It’s now been a little over six months since his death, six and half years since the accident, Jerry is missed terribly but I take consolation in knowing he is with his family, once again to kiss his beloved grandmother, visit with the grandfather he never knew as well as his great grandparents and all the members of his family that left this life before him. 

  His website will continue to honor his memory and the work he did helping others. His beloved garden will grow like the smile on his face. His parents, as well as the rest of his family, will continue to love him just as if he were still here. His foundation will soon become a reality. Jerry Haney will always grace this earth in spirit!

  Rest In Peace My Beloved Son!